Unapologetically Apostolic

I seem to take this writing thing in seasons. When I first started the bolg, I was working at an automotive manufacturing plant that was just getting to be up and running. Those first few months were training on already built cars that were similar to what we would build but not the same. This did, however, lead to a lot of down time. I would pull up this app while hanging out in a bathroom stall in silence and write about whatever thought may have popped into my head before going into my quiet place. As the demands of the job increased, the ability to steal away into the silence disappeared. The times of writing took a hiatus while I kept up with the demands of the job. I continued writing but not like it was at the start. I wrote 37 blog posts that first year, once writing two in one day. The number the following year dropped to less than 20.  But realistically, this is not about my blog. This is my place to write what I feel. The last 8 have been about the 60 days leading up to ...

For the past few days, everywhere I have looked I have seen a reference to Ruth in the Bible. It would bring a smile to my face because I know that story. From the time I was a child, I have been taught about the Moabite woman who refused to leave her mother-in-law, leaving the only home she had ever known to go to a land where she had never been, finding favor in the sight of a righteous man, marrying and raising up an heir to the name of her deceased husband. I've heard the parallels of Boaz and Jesus my entire life. So I had to ask myself why this story was becoming so prevalent for me right now. When you begin to read the first chapter of Ruth, it says that Elimelech, his wife Naomi, along with his sons Mahlon and Chilion went from Bethlehem-Judea to Moab. The reason for this trip is not stated other than that they went, although there is speculation that the trip was due to famine in the land.  The next thing we read is that that Elimelech dies. Then it says that the sons take...

These past few weeks, I have been reflecting greatly on my life and the walk that I have with Christ. I said it the other day that I came into church with a head full of knowledge. I could quote scripture and blazed through Bible drills in a flash. But what does all of that accomplish? Not much. In a walk of faith, just as in building a building, it starts with the foundation. After spending my formative years in a traditional church followed by the middle years in non-denominational churches, I am finding that my foundation wasn't so firm.  But why? While the knowledge was there and I was speed (a la Lighning McQueen in Cars), there was nothing depth. Anytime things are done quickly, there are usually corners cut somewhere. For me, it has been trying to build a strong building upon that old foundation. In construction, concrete work is key to the soundness of the structure. If concrete is too wet, it results in a weaker final product with increased porosity, shrinkage, and a highe...

Matthew 23:27 says, "Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye are like unto whited sepulchres, which indeed appear beautiful outward, but are within full of dead men's bones, and of all uncleanness." Now, I may be taking this out of context as to what Jesus was saying here but I don't think I am. The Pharisees were doing all that they could to look Holy yet they were weighed down by traditions and self imposed limitations. They had the outward look but inwardly they were dead. In many ways I feel I can relate to this scripture. When I came to church in 2021, I was dead on the inside. There was nothing within me that brought any joy, any happiness or where I felt I had or could find meaning for my life.  I had only those dead bones inside of me and I knew they were starting to stink. Thoughts and ideas that I had squashed decades before were starting to look tempting to me as I contemplated the logistics of how and when. But just like that, I had an enco...

I have written quite a few posts following Matt's passing. I've used it as a way to cope and as a way to heal. I've used it as a way to vent and voice frustrations so that I didn't hold them inside of me as a cancer to slowly take away the life that I still have. In Ecclesiastes 3, the chapter opens with the poem on the seasons of life. Most of us know this in some way shape or form: "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and ...

I have questioned myself over this last month many times about how I have responded to Matt's passing. I've watched in my lifetime while a person crumbles and is unable to function following the loss of a loved one. I have also seen where a person laughs and smiles through the entire process, even gently offering their loved one a kiss with a promise to see them soon (but not in a suicidal way).  Why such the difference in the way we act? How could grief look so different? It is because that not everyone is in the grieving process. They may be in mourning instead.  Grief is the internal, emotional response to loss, while mourning is the outward, public expression of that grief. Grief encompasses private thoughts and feelings like sadness, pain, or fear, whereas mourning involves the actions, rituals, and behaviors used to process and express those feelings, such as crying, journaling, or attending a funeral. Both are essential for healing, as mourning helps externalize and sha...

Thirty-one days, that's how long you have been gone. Well, thirty-two by the time I'm writing this. Spiritually, the number 31 often symbolizes a combination of creativity and new beginnings with the need for stability and structure, representing the balancing of imagination with practical action. It is seen as a sign to build your dreams on a solid foundation, urging you to use your talents and focus on your goals with divine guidance and support. In numerology, it's the sum of energies from the numbers 3 (creativity, joy) and 1 (new beginnings, leadership), which simplifies to the foundational energy of 4 (stability, structure).  Now, do I believe in this numerology stuff? No, I don't. But I find something in this that speaks loudly to me. It was 31 days since I last heard your voice, when we had discussed our dreams and things that we desired to do moving forward. Places to go, things to do, trips that we had discussed for what seemed like an eternity but never had t...