Unapologetically Apostolic

Matthew 23:27 says, "Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye are like unto whited sepulchres, which indeed appear beautiful outward, but are within full of dead men's bones, and of all uncleanness." Now, I may be taking this out of context as to what Jesus was saying here but I don't think I am. The Pharisees were doing all that they could to look Holy yet they were weighed down by traditions and self imposed limitations. They had the outward look but inwardly they were dead. In many ways I feel I can relate to this scripture. When I came to church in 2021, I was dead on the inside. There was nothing within me that brought any joy, any happiness or where I felt I had or could find meaning for my life.  I had only those dead bones inside of me and I knew they were starting to stink. Thoughts and ideas that I had squashed decades before were starting to look tempting to me as I contemplated the logistics of how and when. But just like that, I had an enco...

I have written quite a few posts following Matt's passing. I've used it as a way to cope and as a way to heal. I've used it as a way to vent and voice frustrations so that I didn't hold them inside of me as a cancer to slowly take away the life that I still have. In Ecclesiastes 3, the chapter opens with the poem on the seasons of life. Most of us know this in some way shape or form: "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and ...

I have questioned myself over this last month many times about how I have responded to Matt's passing. I've watched in my lifetime while a person crumbles and is unable to function following the loss of a loved one. I have also seen where a person laughs and smiles through the entire process, even gently offering their loved one a kiss with a promise to see them soon (but not in a suicidal way).  Why such the difference in the way we act? How could grief look so different? It is because that not everyone is in the grieving process. They may be in mourning instead.  Grief is the internal, emotional response to loss, while mourning is the outward, public expression of that grief. Grief encompasses private thoughts and feelings like sadness, pain, or fear, whereas mourning involves the actions, rituals, and behaviors used to process and express those feelings, such as crying, journaling, or attending a funeral. Both are essential for healing, as mourning helps externalize and sha...

Thirty-one days, that's how long you have been gone. Well, thirty-two by the time I'm writing this. Spiritually, the number 31 often symbolizes a combination of creativity and new beginnings with the need for stability and structure, representing the balancing of imagination with practical action. It is seen as a sign to build your dreams on a solid foundation, urging you to use your talents and focus on your goals with divine guidance and support. In numerology, it's the sum of energies from the numbers 3 (creativity, joy) and 1 (new beginnings, leadership), which simplifies to the foundational energy of 4 (stability, structure).  Now, do I believe in this numerology stuff? No, I don't. But I find something in this that speaks loudly to me. It was 31 days since I last heard your voice, when we had discussed our dreams and things that we desired to do moving forward. Places to go, things to do, trips that we had discussed for what seemed like an eternity but never had t...

You never know when an end will come. Sometimes, you have some warning that things are in the final stretch while other times it hits you out of the blue. Scripture tells us that our life is but a vapor, here today and gone tomorrow.  I know the feeling of that as I talked to Matt between 6:30 and 7:00 pm on the evening of his passing. While he was sleeping, he did awaken and talk to me. I was hurrying as I usually do on my break: taking the time to get the dog outside to potty, using the bathroom for myself and coming to check to see if he had a need of anything. Did he need food, drink, need to get up to go to the bathroom himself? He told me he was good, he didn't need anything. I asked him if he was hot because he had kicked out from under the cover and his reply was that he was burning up.  After seeing where Shiloh had gotten BBQ sauce all over my side of the bed, I gently told him that he would have to get up when I got off at 10 so I could change the sheets. He shook h...

Last weekend, our visiting evangelist shared a story with pastor over dinner. This story became the basis for the message pastor shared during Matt's memorial service on Saturday.  Oh, yeah, I haven't shared that on here. I unexpectedly lost my husband, Matt, on September 19. But this writing is not about his passing, rather the lesson we can learn. This story was that of a man named Truth. Truth was on his way back into town after he had been on a long journey. Walking down the long, dusty road, he found himself covered in dirt and had some dried patches of what had been mud where the dirt had dried in the sweat he was dripping from the heat of the day. He happened to come upon a crystal clear pond where he thought, "I'll take a quick dip in these waters and get cleaned up before I arrive. The water will be refreshing after the long walk in the heat."  He quickly removed his garments and put them by the side of the pond on a rock and walked carefully into the coo...