Living inside out

Yeah the title might throw you for a loop for a moment, but it's not what you think. It would be a bit creepy if we all walked around with our muscles and organs visible to the world outside of the flesh that houses them. But in the spiritual realm, that is exactly what we are called to do.

We, my church that is, have started having Bible study on Thursday evenings as a way for us to gain a deeper understanding of God's Word. The topic for our latest study was that of holiness within and holiness without. As with most of my writings, I'm going to get a bit personal with what I am going to say. 

Five years ago next month, I stepped foot into an Apostolic church for the first time. Prior to that, I attended Southern Baptist and non-denominational churches, but spent time in other churches as I traveled around following a southern gospel group that I liked. From one location to another, there wasn't a lot that had to change from the outside or even the inside to be honest. The only difference between any of those congregations was a mindset of what was believed. 

Within these churches, you could see little difference in walking into a bar room or a church service in the attire which was worn. Don't think that I'm saying that clothes make you holy but they do serve as a reflection. Which would you rather see: 1.A group walking into the restaurant after church, order a glass of wine or a mixed drink while giving the waiter a hard time because your order got mixed up, then begin to speak about the love of Jesus and try to witness to that same waiter and inviting them to come to your church. Or 2. A group walking into the restaurant after service that comes in, prays over the meal before even a chip is taken from the basket, laughter and jovialness as they laugh and cut up with the wait staff.  I know which one the wait staff will choose all day everyday. 

Tangent alert! Sorry, that's an inside joke from when I was just graduated from high school in my first college and career group. Anytime someone would get off topic we would call a tangent alert to get us back on topic. I was speaking about the different churches I had been in. I knew the things that I wore when I went about my everyday and what I wore for church.  Before long, those things of my everyday began to be my church clothes as I just wore whatever I grabbed from the closet. After all, the motto was come as you are. But I've learned that yes we come as we are but we don't stay where He finds us. 

March 10, 2021, I walked into the door of that Apostolic church just as I had all these other churches over the years. I had on pants, a fire department polo shirt and was wearing black boots. Due to circumstances from my past, I had vowed I would never wear a dress or skirt in my lifetime ever again. As I sat and cried through the entire service, I knew that God was calling me to different. What that was or what it looked like, I had no idea.

I started slowly at first. I started to be intentional about what words came from my mouth when I spoke. 1 Peter 1:15-16 says, "But as he which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation; Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy." I'll be fully honest here, I had the mouth of a sailor. From my time in bars and clubs, along with the alternative lifestyle I had lived, I learned to just open my mouth and let fly whatever came out and it didn't matter who got caught in the crossfire. The really sad part of this is, I had spiritual leaders in my life who operated in the exact same manner. But James 3: 5-12 says, "Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell. For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind: But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be. Doth a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and bitter? Can the fig tree, my brethren, bear olive berries? either a vine, figs? so can no fountain both yield salt water and fresh." Hmmm, that's an oh me moment. 

In Acts 2, when the Holy Ghost descended into the upper room, it describes the event as a rushing, mighty wind and tongues as of fire. That fire is used to burn away all those things of the world and allow for the taming of the tongue. What we just read in James says that the tongue cannot be tamed so how? Once we follow Acts 2:38 with true repentance and not that of an act or show, the Holy Ghost fills you and you begin to speak a heavenly language. The tongue is tamed but you as the vessel must remain submitted to the Master. 

After the tongue, for me it was stopping smoking. About 26 years ago , I had stopped smoking but smoking never stopped me. The thought was always there at the back of my mind. So, what did I do? After five years, I picked up a pack and was right back to as if I had never quit. But that didn't bring only the smoking, that one brought back the alcohol as well. After not having a drop in over 7 years, here I was worse than before. Then came the drugs and sex. I fixed the sex part when I got married so it could become "legal" before God and I also stopped the drugs. I can say that I haven't had an illegal substance in my body since December of 2007. But the alcohol and the smoking were fast friends that wasn't going anywhere. Then one day, the want for alcohol disappeared. While it was in my home, there was no desire to have it anymore but smoking cigarettes was my vice. But once I got into church, I think it was 3 weeks when I messaged my pastor and told him I needed to give him something. When he asked and I told him that it was my cigarettes, he told me just throw them away. So, I did. Why did I say all of that? Because of what 1Corinthian 6:19-20 says. "What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's." All of these things were things done against my body. How could this Holy Ghost which was new within me reside where He was not glorified? 

The next area is that which I said I would never do: wearing skirts and dresses. Because of choices I made when I was younger, I saw skirts and dresses as off limits. I saw them as vulnerability and losing self for the sake of men and their pleasure. You see skirts becoming shorter and shorter as the years go by where everytime you bend over you expose yourself. This is what the world conveys and expects. I was comfortable wearing my pants and shorts day in and day out. Wearing cut-off t-shirts and tank tops was a part of who I was. I even went so far as to give away the dresses and skirts that I owned since I wasn't ever going to be caught dead in one. God said "Oh really? Watch this!" As I started to hear the Word of God and see the family's I was now going to church with, I started thinking "What now? I gave all my clothes away. How am I going to be able to flip an entire wardrobe?" God made a way. He placed ladies in my life that began to bring me pieces that they no longer wore. Deuteronomy 2:5, "The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God." 

Three months after starting at my church, I got the opportunity to work for what I felt was a wonderful job. I go in for my orientation and have to place my uniform order. I look at the lady taking our order and ask "Where are the skirts?" Exact words from her was "If you need a skirt, you can't work here,"which I found odd since she was telling me that while wearing a skirt herself. In that moment, I had to choose what I would do. I ordered the uniforms and spent the next year and a half wearing that uniform while taking a skirt to change into if I wasn't coming straight home from the plant. Then I saw a lady walking into the plant one morning wearing a skirt. Honestly, I was not a happy person that day. My first thought was not "Let me talk to her to get info," it was "How come she gets to wear a skirt and I couldn't?"  By chance, I did get to speak with her that afternoon as we were leaving and she gave me hope.  As the next few weeks passed by, I had to have several meetings with the assistant manager as well as have a compliance meeting/interview where I was interrogated for my faith and beliefs.  

I really feel like that was the shifting of that which was inside coming outward. In January of 2024 I believe it was, the local meteorologists were calling for a snow and ice event and we had no groceries. It was so cold outside and I just needed to go to the Dollar General a few blocks from the house to pick up some soups and sandwich stuff. Matt told me "Just throw on a pair of my jogging pants and run real quick before it gets worse out." I go to the bedroom and grab a pair to put on. Get them on and grab the keys to walk out the door. Hand on the doorknob and I'm about to open the door when I stopped, turned around and changed my clothes. Sure, the chances of someone that I know seeing me in that quick trip were slim to none but if I am wearing a skirt for that reason alone, I'm already wrong. 

Jesus sees us at all times. If the things we wear is only because someone may see me if I don't, you talk everything right when you are around certain people but curse like a sailor or tell lewd jokes when they are not around or you abstain from the appearance of evil when out in public but live like the devil in your home, then eventually the facade will crumble. The way you dress, talk and act will begin to be shown to those you have tried to hide from. Numbers 32:23 says "But if ye will not do so, behold, ye have sinned against the Lord: and be sure your sin will find you out." 

As we walk this life, we have to live from the inside out. When that which is within us is consumed by Him and His will, then and only then can the flip happen.