Undignified in His Presence

2 Samuel 6:14-22

And David danced before the Lord with all his might; and David was girded with a linen ephod.15 So David and all the house of Israel brought up the ark of the Lord with shouting, and with the sound of the trumpet.16 And as the ark of the Lord came into the city of David, Michal Saul's daughter looked through a window, and saw king David leaping and dancing before the Lord; and she despised him in her heart.

17 And they brought in the ark of the Lord, and set it in his place, in the midst of the tabernacle that David had pitched for it: and David offered burnt offerings and peace offerings before the Lord.18 And as soon as David had made an end of offering burnt offerings and peace offerings, he blessed the people in the name of the Lord of hosts.19 And he dealt among all the people, even among the whole multitude of Israel, as well to the women as men, to every one a cake of bread, and a good piece of flesh, and a flagon of wine. So all the people departed every one to his house.20 Then David returned to bless his household. And Michal the daughter of Saul came out to meet David, and said, How glorious was the king of Israel to day, who uncovered himself to day in the eyes of the handmaids of his servants, as one of the vain fellows shamelessly uncovereth himself!21 And David said unto Michal, It was before the Lord, which chose me before thy father, and before all his house, to appoint me ruler over the people of the Lord, over Israel: therefore will I play before the Lord.22 And I will yet be more vile than thus, and will be base in mine own sight: and of the maidservants which thou hast spoken of, of them shall I be had in honour.

I have had a battle inside of me this week. I know that it was the enemy and I prayed very hard against him. At the end of the day though, there were always so many more questions than answers. Let me explain. 

I've made no secret in my writing that I come from both a Baptist and non-denominational background. Worship in those churches are about night and day different. Coming into an Apostolic congregation, hearing the stories of running the aisles, walking the pews and dancing in worship seemed a bit far fetched to me. After all, the only running I had seen anyone do was at my old church that resulted in the lady being escorted by security because she had caused a disturbance. 

For the past four years, I have desired to break free from those constraints in my mind and allow the Spirit to worship freely within me. But the lingering thoughts of what will I do or what will it look like, what if I break something or I hit someone not meaning to always stopped me just short anytime I felt the Spirit moving inside of me.

Then comes February 2, my seventeenth wedding anniversary. I have let my marriage dictate a lot of my worship and my attitude over the last year due to circumstances I have no control over. In the new year, I determined that my attitude and actions were going to be Christ centered in all ways and that my husband would not stop that in any way. That included him not being in church with me or anything he has going on in his health. Don't take that as I'm cold and callous but there are reasons I have to be that way. Any way, I determined that morning when I woke up that I was going to give it my all in worship. I needed to push past where I had been to break the chains holding me back spiritually from where God wanted me to go. I arrived at church and started prayer time where I again prayed that God would help me to worship Him in Spirit and in Truth, to experience the breakthrough I had longed for. 

Service started with a great exaltation by our pastor as we had "family" returning home after many years of being away. The new had not met the old and vice versa but we were still all one, to not let them being there hinder our worship in any way. I wasn't letting nothing stop what God wanted to do. Worship began and I made my way to the front to my "spot" I always go to and started to let the words of the song flood through my soul. With hands raised and words flowing from my lips, I began to praise God for where He had brought me, I honored Him and gave glory. Tears, I believe, began to stream on my face as I got lost in my worship. The next feeling that I had was that my feet wanted to dance. But again, I questioned myself of what to do. What's it going to look like? So I held back until I couldn't hold back any longer. I felt as if something exploded inside of me, like I had a fire coursing through my veins. I don't remember anything after that until I heard someone shouting to get me up and felt my hand get stepped on. I vaguely remember staring at another sister in the church and being sat in a chair. 

Once I was coherent, I stood right back up in my spot and went back to singing. I noticed a lady that was down and just thought she was getting a good blessing too. Once we went back our seats, I noticed she was now in a wheelchair and had ice on her knees. Immediately the enemy started talking. "Look at what you've done now. You were just showing out and you've hurt someone. Aren't you proud of yourself? Some God you serve. You can't even do worship right if you're gonna get somebody hurt." There's been plenty others throughout the week that have followed as well. I have been terrified. Wednesday evening when the spirit of preach came on pastor and we didn't have worship, I was relieved. Yeah it was a smaller crowd but still... 

But I couldn't stop the week and Sunday was a coming. I prayed for peace. I prayed that God would take away the fear and anxiety I felt towards worship. I walked into service and the enemy struck. I was frozen in fear. Once the chord of the piano struck the first note I started to literally tremble in fear. I made my way over with the ladies for worship but I stayed at a safe distance, still trembling. As my friend stepped up beside me the look in her eyes asked the question "what are you doing" and all I could say was I can't as tears swelled up in my eyes. Another friend came and grabbed my hand and said " nope, the devil is not winning today" and lead me straight to my "spot". Pastor even came and told me this was my place, where I was made for. I was not to be hiding out in the back.  

The enemy has been my Michal this week. But in the words of David, if I may paraphrase, I will become even more undignified than this. He alone is worthy of all the honor and glory due His name. I know that God was pleased with my obedience to worship and that it was a fragrant offering before the throne. Holy Ghost have your way. Let me worship You freely and without restraint.