Stepping out of the crowd

I have never been one that was overly popular. I wasn't a part of the "in crowd" in highschool. Even in college or working, the popularity didn't come. I have always just been a loner.

That seemed to only last until I hit my young and dumb streak.  Credit card running tab as I bellied up to the bar to cover the next round for all my "friends". I never thought it strange that everyone loved me as long as I was giving them exactly what they wanted in the booze, but the moment there was nothing left of the credit or the bill came due I was all on my own.

I became a part of another group that loved everyone and everything.  We were just a bunch of "happy" people.  And as long as I was one of them I had anything and everything I wanted. I thought I had found unconditional love and acceptance with no strings attached.  Well, that turned out to be not quite true as well as my mental health took a hit and thoughts of suicide and rage filled my head.

I throw this to the side and turn to church, giving myself to every aspect.  I teach, I sing, I lead this or that. I start seeing more and more people coming out of the woodwork so to speak saying they are my friends.  My phone begins to ring and texting is blowing up all hours of the day and night.  I have arrived.

Then just as quickly as all of that changed, slowly each one began to drift away.  I get out of church and back into the world, but even still the phone is pinging. What do I have, where is the next party, or can we hook up later messages abound. But when the supply dried up, so too did the messages. 

I get back into church and those friends come back, well that is until I leave that place for one that teaches truth instead of a watered down gospel. Oh, they are still there lurking in the background, but they won't reach out or message me.  These same people say that they believe in the whole counsel of Truth yet because I go to "that" church will not accept it.

That's ok. Jesus had the multitudes that followed Him daily from place to place. There was always a crowd.  In those times of solitude, away from the crowd, He had the twelve.  But when He was is desperation, He took the three closest to Him to the garden to pray. Even in that moment though, He went on by Himself to pray.  Is the crowd fading away? It just may be that He is calling you to Himself for a deeper intimacy with the One that created you and knows exactly what you need.

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